When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
