I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize