I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
