I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
