first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize