I should be sponsored by Trojan
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
