kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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