the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
whose ass print is on the piano?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
