Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
