My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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