You're completely useless in the revolution.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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