I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
