you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
