I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Im part way to drunk.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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