The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
