My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
