your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize