Sponge bath it is.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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