Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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