Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
