and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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