I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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