you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
