there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
