I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have aggressive nipples.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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