How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
