big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Say something about gay babies.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
