Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
