haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
