She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
