he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
