I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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