he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
