Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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