beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize