those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize