dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
