just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
