??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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