so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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