You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
