That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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