I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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