Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
