Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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