she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize