Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize