In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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