u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
