my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
