What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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