I puked a lego.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
