Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He passed out mid-signature
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
