OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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