this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
