Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
