Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You may now shotgun with the bride
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
