It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
