I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
