I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
