one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
