You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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