mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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