hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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