Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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