??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
