He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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