How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
