Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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