a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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