you would pick up someone in the library
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
