You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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