Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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