Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
