respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
