u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
