she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
