When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
