I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
