I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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