hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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