Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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