whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
