Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
