I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
