Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
