So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
