Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Send help, water and tortillas.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
