Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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