Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
