I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize