Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
