dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
