White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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