ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
