I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
