Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
