Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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