Porn is love you can see.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
